A Year Older... A Year Wiser?

Every birthday is a personal new year. Another trip around the sun, we take stock of the past 365 1/4 days to internalize new lessons, revelations, beliefs and values that have formed in the same time. And of course, this birthday was no different.

This year, I took a family vacation on my birthday - the first vacation with all 5 members of my new family unit (as baby Owen is now 2), and the first vacation that fell on my birthday. It's crazy to me that for 36 years of my life, I was never on vacation on my birthday because I was "busy" - either in school or at work. A ridiculous narrative that I am so happy to rewrite for every birthday going forward. But there are so many other things that I learned in 2021, my first year as a full-time entrepreneur. The first year where I fully believed in my abilities, my skills, my education, and my business model enough to step outside of my comfort zone and do the work.

With pen and paper in hand, I went about asking myself...

Lesson 1: Your focus determines the journey.

I have negative events in my life. Days I wish I could forget. Times where I spoke out of turn, took others for granted, silenced my own voice, set poor boundaries, was careless...the list goes on. But I don't choose to focus on them. For the times where I fell short of my standard, I did better the next time. I asked forgiveness, I spoke up, I took better care of myself and the people in my life. But because I focused on the learning and on the positive, this journey has always been on an overall upward trajectory.

Lesson 2: It's never too late to speak up for yourself.

For a very long time, I believed that if I let it slide long enough, I just had to get used to it. If I didn't speak up at the first offense, my silence was indication of compliance or even worse, acceptance. I know now that it is never too late to speak up for yourself. When you find your voice, you must always use it, even if it scares you or makes you uncomfortable. You show others how to treat you in what you will and won't allow, what you care about, what you talk about, what matters to you. So make sure you speak up and speak often.

Lesson 3: You can't change people, only how you interact with them.

Even when you speak up, set boundaries and let others know when you were hurt and why, that still won't change them or how they interact with you. So you have to change how you interact with them. Once you've expressed yourself, established what you will and won't accept, you may have to limit your exposure to them. It's hard to cut out people that have been a part of your life for long periods of time. But if it is a relationship that doesn't have common ground and respect at the heart of it, it is toxic to you and your growth.

Lesson 4: Don't wish for the downfall of others, but you can't save anyone but yourself.

This lesson was especially hard-hitting for me this year. In the moment, we may get swept up in our emotions and hope that bad befalls those who've hurt us or took us for granted. But being removed from a situation, both by time and space, gives opportunity for clear reflection. I don't wish bad on those who've wronged me, whether I spoke up for myself or not, because I know that so much of how we respond to others depends on who WE are as people. How we were raised, what we believe to be true, what we value. How you are treated by others is often a reflection of their own complicated web of emotions. But if those people are fortunate enough to see how they were wrong, or what they could have done differently in their relationship with you, that doesn't make everything okay. Whether you decide to take an apology to move forward WITH that person has to sit right with you. But you have the power and control to say no. Choose wisely, and don't make the same mistake twice.

Lesson 5: Always try again. Tweak, refine, and update as many times as you need.

Don't think that you have to get it right the first time out the gate, or to stick with something because you said you would. This especially applied to my entrepreneurship journey of 2021, but it fits in literally every other facet of my life. It's okay to decide that you don't like something and to update or get rid of it entirely. This is YOUR life and you're in control of it. So it matters that you are comfortable with and believe in the spaces where you invest your time and energy. Not enough is said of when you decide to quit. People will bang their heads up against the wall for years on end, just because they said they were going to do one thing and won't let it go. I'm not recommending that we just quit things left and right, but there's a difference between the messy middle of the journey and being out of alignment with your passion and purpose. The messy middle is unpredictable and scary, but your vision never wavers. Being out of alignment means the vision you're working toward doesn't spark anything but negative emotions. Look forward to the future, don't cower before it.

Lesson 6: It is okay to just BE.

The first few months after I quit my job last October, I was still trying to perform to some ridiculous standard of productivity. As a new entrepreneur, there are a lot of late nights, returning to the drawing board, collaborating with colleagues, crafting new marketing strategies or offerings for clients. But it won't be busy all the time. I had to come to grips with having more time at my disposal. I was able to create my own schedule and I had no idea what to do with that time. In true Yvonne fashion, I did too much during the week, burned myself out by Friday night and then felt bad when I spent the weekend hanging out, watching TV, and napping. But didn't I leave the rat race to avoid all this BS? I realized that I was trying to emulate the toxic cultures and expectations that I'd worked so hard to leave behind. It is okay to just be. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be productive and get shit done. There's nothing wrong with that. But there's also nothing wrong with just relaxing, enjoying the company of others, or a good book. Appreciating the breeze, the sound of rain falling on your window sill. So much value is placed on what we can squeeze from our time, but our time is worth so much more than producing quantifiable results. When we leave this Earth, our final thoughts won't revolve around missed deadlines or unfinished reports, but around the relationships we let fall by the wayside and missed opportunities to say what needs to be said. Honor your rest as well as your work.

I could probably go on for a few more lessons, but these are the ones that stuck out to me the most as I sat with the past year and how my life has changed - good and bad. I do know that I have so much good in my life. Like an overwhelming amount. My family, my friends, my businesses, my hobbies, myself. And so long as I can see the good, and give thanks in the moment, each year I feel just a little bit wiser.

Here's to 37!

Until next time,

Yvonne